As time has passed, I’ve realized there is no true ‘escape’ from parenthood- and furthermore, I’m not sure I want there to be.
Whether it’s finally falling into my bed after a long day, eternally grateful to finally have a few moments of silence when- something sharp jabs me in the back. I roll over to find a wooden piece of play pizza that one of the kids has abandoned in the bed at some point during the day. The stashes of small toys around the house are a consistent reminder that little feet roam these halls, too. I sit, remembering when I was able to fall into the bed, and the only thing I was in danger of finding was an extra pillow that I had snuck in the night before. More and more often, it’s the toys and pieces of snacks that are left to be discovered by me- and normally at times when the last thing I want to be doing is a scavenger hunt in the sheets of the one relaxing place left in my house.
So much changes when you become a parent
It can be hard to remind yourself of the days before kids. When your bedtime was whenever you finally fell asleep; dinner could be cookies if you so pleased, and nothing was required for the most part. Responsibility was a dirty word, reserved only for paying bills and attending your job,
Now there’s doctors appointments to be made, play dates to be had, entertaining to be done. Lazy Sundays become a thing of the distant past once you’ve got a fast paced toddler on your hand- as does the bedtime you’ve never cherished so much before. A hot shower becomes a wish list item, along with simple comforts like a meal to yourself and maybe even a quiet evening.
Remember pre-baby budgeting?
Mine looked a little like this:
- Groceries-maybe? Nah, I’d rather eat out.
Now, the list is a mile long- between the payment on the car I got to fit the kids to the diapers, the formula, the food to keep the house stocked for the kids…I never realized how horrible my eating habits were until I had kids. And by eating habits, I mean my habit of not eating. Kids can’t go all day on a granola bar like I can, believe it or not. Honestly, sometimes it only takes a rambunctious playtime and an hour or so before they’re yelling at me for some sort of snack or a cup of easy mac. They’re like Gremlins once you give them food after midnight.
Remember when you could lay in bed, as long as you wanted?
And not worry about what that noise in the living room was (for the most part?) Or worry about putting up a baby gate? I get up in the middle of the night to make a bottle, eyes still pretty much closed, and bust my butt over the baby gate that separates my heathens from the kitchen and all the wonderful goodies that it holds. Falling over a baby gate at 3 in the morning because my half asleep consciousness can’t remember that it’s there is all it takes to ruin a night for me, personally.
There are some days I honestly just don’t want- or due to some horrible sickness just can’t get out of bed. Do they care? Absolutely not. We’ve covered this before. Even a movie can only entertain them for so long- eventually they come kicking and screaming into the bed, and I’m reminded of the glaring responsibility that I have all over again.
But if we’re being honest with ourselves,
I’m not sure that I wouldn’t want to remember all the things from before parenthood came into my life. Sure, the wooden block I stepped on last night didn’t create a warm memory that I’ll cherish forever. But the little hands that play with that block absolutely will. When Monkey can see that I’m visibly upset and she rubs my face softly with her little hands and gives me a concerned look, it’s all I can do to keep from melting right then and there. When I look back and remember holding them each for the first time, my heart damn near explodes.
Every day isn’t easy, but every day is another chance to learn more about my little humans, and I’ll take that.